I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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