Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
