Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
