We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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