one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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