Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
