So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize