I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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