I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
