Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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