Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
