Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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