People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
