We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
