Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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