I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
