I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need help removing her.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
