if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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