my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize