I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
