Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
