That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
