I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
