We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize