her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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