You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
