Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
