its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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