After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
