I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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