Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
