Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
