I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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