he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
