wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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