Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
