i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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