just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
