Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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