I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
