Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
