i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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