we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
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