I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
