anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and she was petting her beer can
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
