I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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