Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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