he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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