1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
where am i from again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this boner is exhausting
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no you cant smoke seaweed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize