did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
