I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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