She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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