I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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