i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
