If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
