She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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