Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He felt like a one man threesome
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
