Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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