I'm gonna have a badass scar
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
