My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
