i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
