ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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