Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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