So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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