So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
